Series 01 · now not minting
The world's most relaxed NFT-ish project.
A collection of profoundly unbothered manatees. The apes are flexing. The manatees are floating. Choose your fighter (the manatee will not fight).
- Supply
- 9 (allegedly 10,000)
- Floor price
- $0 (on purpose)
- Utility
- vibes
- Roadmap steps that matter
- 0
Minting… ●●●
Just kidding. There's no contract, no wallet and no price. The manatee has been informed of your interest and is thinking about it, which could take a season.
If we ever do mint, it'll be free, on a low-energy chain, and we'll never ask you for money. Meanwhile, right-click any manatee below. That's the whole utility.
Satire. No tokens, no wallet connect, no airdrop, no "whitelist." If anyone offers you a MAN-A-TEES for money, it isn't us.
The Collection: Series 01
Nine manatees, each hand-curated and cryptographically indifferent. Tap a card to flip it and read its certificate of authenticity.
- 404manatee not foundGlub NakamotoMythic · 0.1%
Glub Nakamoto carries the rarest trait in the collection, Gives a Damn, and therefore does not exist.
Rarity
In every other collection the rare traits are gold fur and laser eyes. Ours are inverted, like everything else here.
| Gives a Damn | 0.1% · does not exist |
|---|---|
| Has a Job | Legendary |
| Mild Ambition | Ultra-rare |
| Holding: A Rock | Epic |
| Eye Contact | Rare |
| Romaine, not Iceberg | Rare |
| Hairstyle: Seagrass | Uncommon |
| Visible Barnacles | Common |
| Simply Floating | Common (and correct) |
Roadmap
- Q1Float.Achieved early.
- Q2Eat lettuce.Ongoing. Romaine preferred.
- Q3There is no step 3.Under review.
- Q4We forgot.Will circle back.
Litepaper
Manatees can't lift a whole whitepaper, so this is a litepaper.
Tokenomics. There is one token. It is a sea cucumber. It is not for sale and frankly it would rather not be discussed.
Governance. Holders vote by drifting slowly toward the option they prefer. Results are tallied seasonally, or when someone remembers.
Utility. Vibes, and the quiet dignity of owning a picture of a sea cow who is doing better than you, emotionally.
Security. Every MAN-A-TEES is procedurally generated, hand-curated and cryptographically verifiable.* There is nothing to hack. We checked. Twice, slowly.
*These are real NFT words. We are using them ironically.
The only thing pumping here is a manatee's heart rate. Barely.
The joke is about NFT culture. The animals are real. Florida manatees are a protected species, and they still die from boat strikes, cold snaps and the loss of the seagrass they eat. We don't collect money, sell anything or take a cut, so 100% of nothing goes anywhere. If you want to help actual manatees, give directly:
Donate to Save the Manatee ClubAdopt-A-Manatee®
MAN-A-TEES is an independent parody project. We are not affiliated with, sponsored or endorsed by Save the Manatee Club; we just think they're doing the actual work. Adopt-A-Manatee® is their registered mark.
FAQ
Is this a real NFT project?
No. It's a parody of NFT profile-picture culture, with original drawings of manatees. There is no token, contract or wallet, and the mint button only mints disappointment.
Will you ever mint?
Maybe, slowly. If we do, it'll be free, on a low-energy chain, with no royalties and no promises about value. The manatees don't understand money and we'd like to keep it that way.
Is this related to the bored ape thing?
No. Every manatee here is original. We're poking at a whole genre of flexing, not borrowing anybody's art, names or club.
Can I use the pictures?
For a profile picture, a group chat or a personal sticker, sure. Please don't sell them, and please don't sell them as NFTs, which would be both rude and extremely off-message.
Why .xyz?
Because it's where crypto projects go to announce things, and the manatees wanted to announce that they're not doing anything.